This Cowboy's Naked Truth

Taking the day off!  I didn't feel well last evening and slept for almost twelve hours.  Finally got my butt out of bed, went into the washroom, looked in the mirror, and turned around and went back to bed.  Someday's it's just no use to even try and today is one of those days.  Going to take advantage however and finish two on my stories that I am currently writing, get caught up on Internet activities, watch some old westerns, and clean my guns.
Had the privilege of having dinner with a long time old friend of mine last night, Roger McCoy.  We discussed many topics but one was my hesitation to go in for this bone marrow transplant, especially after seeing so many people that have gone through it and the side effects they have when they are done.  His comment was simply to think of my girls.  That generally does it for me.  Sometimes we get side tracked and lose our direction.  It's not coming out of this transplant looking like death warmed over that really has me bothered, but it's more about the quality of life I may or may not have.  I have always stood by my belief that quality of life is better than quantity of life.  Perhaps I have just been reading too much.  Everything that I have been reading from blogs, to articles, to Facebook posts all lead to one common factor and that being they all have health problems, some with serious health issues.  It's seems like jumping from one fire into another.
I was able to spend a little time by myself yesterday.  I went up to Teardrop Rock and looked at the valley below.  Had my pistol on my hip due to the rattlesnake population out and about.  I just sat there like an old cowboy would.  I thought about where my life has taken me, the many roads I have traveled down and what the future might hold.  I thought about what life would be like from here on out if I refused the transplant.  How long would I live?  What kind of death would I suffer?  Could I beat this cancer without a transplant?  Am I really as tough as I think I am?  When I finally came down to my rig and drove off I had made up my mind once and for all.
Tuesday I am going to UCLA for one final blood draw.  Friday I am going in to have my chest catheter put in.  Sunday I am going to go check in for a bone marrow transplant.
After talking to my good friend Roger over dinner and a couple of other close friends throughout the day I have come to the realization that this really isn't about me.  Sure, I am the one who has to go through this, not you, my children, friends or anyone else.  It's me and me alone, but it's about my children and those folks that have bet on me to beat this.  I helped bring my beautiful children into the world and it's my responsibility, regardless of what I have to go through, to ensure that they have my guidance, knowledge and support for as long as they possibly can.  Sometimes we can get caught up in our own problems to the extent that we forget that we affect others in our world by our actions or thoughts.  For this I am sorry and truly feel bad if I have let anyone down.  I couldn't imagine a John Wayne or Clint Eastwood character letting something as minor as a bone marrow transplant getting them down.  Although John Wayne did pass of cancer, I have to believe he was as big a man in the end as he was in all his movies.  So, tonight I am going to start packing my gear and get ready to head out a week from this Sunday.  With the support of my children and many friends, I believe we can get this done.  Having done everything myself most of my life I realize this is one time that I can't.  With that being said, I wish to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all that have been involved in my journey.  I will not let you down!  Cowboy's promise!