This Cowboy's Naked Truth

Finally received a call back from UCLA today.  They have found four donors and have received samples from three of them.  They are currently running tests on the samples to determine which one would be suit me and my needs.  Then they have to contact the donor, request the marrow, have it shipped, and then they'll drop the dime on me.  My nurse coordinator figures I should be in the hospital by the end of the month.  I am not holding my breath but I just as soon get this thing over with.
Lately, I have been overly tired, body hurts more now than ever, eat like a hummingbird and two days ago I have started to cough up small amounts of blood.  My blood is a thin as gasoline and when I scrape or cut myself, they just don't heal quickly.  Still refusing to take pain medications.  I do need to eat better for I have lost six pounds this past month.  It's just the cancer takes away the appetite and I don't pay attention to eat.  The out of sight, out of mind thing.
Going to move my ex, her mother and my two daughters into their new abode on Saturday.  I will feel so much better having them all together and close by.  So Saturday is going to be a butt kicker for this old cowboy.
Been working with the horses still and enjoy my time with them.  Bull riding as usual on Saturday night.
Haven't seen my homeless buddy for a week and am hoping that he is all right.
Need to find some work this month or I am going to have to get rid of my truck and rodeo gear.  Just can't make it on nothing disability.  Such a joke!  I really don't want to go in and have this transplant to be quite honest because then I will be stuck in a bed, worrying about bills, and be more miserable than I already am.  Plus, my little Berlyn is graduating in June from the 8th grade and I want to be there to witness her big day.
I got to thinking that two and half years ago, my first oncologist gave me six to eight months because my cancer was is the aggressive phase.  Two and a half years ago and I am still kicking butt.  Wondering if I am really that sick.  I am still here.  I still live life hard and fast.  People say I look good, so what the hay?
Saw a trailer for sale on Facebook, courtesy of Lucy, and will call tomorrow.  I am going to need to bed down somewhere when I get out, if I get out, and it would do just fine.  I know they say I will need someone to take care of me when I get out of the hotel, but I think they underestimate me severely.  I have take care of myself all my life, not married anymore, not have any attachments and I think I can do this.  Really don't want to be a bother, having to have someone around me all the time, getting my meals, medicine and taking me to doctor appointments.  It's just to damn much to ask of people.  The more I think about this, the more time it takes to get in, the further away I am beginning to get from it.  I am like a horse on the fence, damned if I do and damned if I don't.  Can't get a job.  No one will hire me because of the cancer and/or my age.  Been turned down by every place in town.  There is no need for cowboys in this town.  The two cattle ranches in town hardly have any cows on them.  Not like it was twenty years ago around here.
Well, enough of my crap.  Going to go to sleep and try to make an engagement tomorrow.  The father of some friends of mine passed away and tomorrow is his viewing and funeral.  I never met the man, wish I had, but I know his daughters and out of respect for them I am going to try and go.
Not a very interesting blog tonight, but I am just a little beat up, tired and discouraged.  I guess it happens to everyone sometime.
Goodnight.