This Cowboy's Naked Truth

Laying here at 1:00 in the morning listening to some old country.  Songs about heartbreaks, drinkin', and rodeo.  Seems the three of them go together, always have, always will.  I was with my two daughters, their mother and her mother tonight for my little one's birthday.  She turned 14 yesterday and I couldn't be more proud of a young lady than I am of her.  That goes for both of my youngest daughters.  As I was watching all the girls while Berlyn opened up her presents I couldn't help but look at her mother.  Funny how you see someone differently when you are no longer together.  The color of her hair, the shape of her face, her smile, her laugh, all those things that attracted you years ago.  I just looked at her and smiled and though things will never be what they were and we will never be together again, I was thankful for the time we did have.  She's a beautiful woman and is twelve years my younger and will have no problem finding a new man to hopefully live the rest of her life with.  Yes, there is and always be a part of me that is still in love with her but I have to ride on.  First, I have to get my health back so I can get my life back.   Get back to work, whether bucking bulls, breaking horses, or whatever, I just want to work.  I have a great friend who is going to work with me on reacquiring a retirement package, one that I lost when the economy went south.  So many things that I want to accomplish yet even though I have done so many things already.
  As I lay here listening to George Jones, "He Stopped Loving Her Today," I wonder if there will be someone for me to fill the rest of my days.  I guess to those who are in solid relationships their views might be full of brightness and optimism, but when your 62, going through cancer, lost everything but your suitcase, guitar and rodeo gear, you don't have anything to offer some one.  Just thinking tonight.  Hell, I'll get off my little pity potty and cowboy up.  If the rest of my life is on a horse somewhere, so be it, could be a lot worse.  They nice thing about being in my shoes is that I have no one to answer too, nothing to hold me down, blowing like loose ashes in the wind, except for my daughters lol.  I guess I will play the cards dealt to me when they are dealt out.  Been playing poker all my life.  Going to meet a lot of new friends today.  I am a bit nervous and overwhelmed but I'll be there to hug each one that comes through the door.  I did have a bit of bad news today.  I received a text from someone that is disgruntled and I think a bit jealous that this community has opened their arms up to me.  To be honest, I was really mad for about two hours until I realized that someone else was controlling my mood and then I let it go.  I will deal with this person on my own but let me say this, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.  You may think you know someone's life but unless you're walking in their shoes, you have no idea.  It is not the right of anyone of us to judge.  If your a God fearing person, the bible tells us this.  As always, many thanks to those who have supported me, wrapped their arms around me and for the prayers.  Thank you y'all.