This Cowboy's Naked Truth

Just arrived home today after spending three days at Chino Valley Hospital.  Monday, I was experiencing some chest pains and breathing difficulties.  At the request of my ex, I went to the urgent care in Chino Hills.  They immediately took me in and completed an EKG.  They told me that there were irregularities with EKG and called 911.  They asked me where I wanted to go and I said, "Pomona Valley Hospital."  They told me that Pomona Valley was saturated and I would be seen in a more expedient manner at Chino Valley.  Reluctantly, I agreed.  Although Chino Valley has stepped up their game over the years, it's still not close to being on the level of a larger hospital.  With that being said, I was admitted to Chino Valley where they check out my heart with a fine toothed comb and everything was fine.  They did not have any answers as to what was causing the pain, nor did they determine why I am having these breathing episodes.  Finally, this afternoon, a doctor came in and suggested that it was when I had broke my sternum many, many years ago, and that it was causing muscular spasms which leads to the pain and causing me to breath hard at times.  Now, I am by no means a doctor, and though I have experienced more broken bones, surgeries and other traumas, more than ten people put together would have experienced, I also know when smoke is being blown up my rear end.  I simply smiled, thanked her, and got out.  She did tell me however that nothing that I was experiencing would prohibit me from having a bone marrow transplant in the near future.  I will let my oncologist at UCLA tell me that I think.
Anyway, I back at the apartment and trying to catch up on my blog and other activities being as there was no WiFi at Chino Valley.  It is good to be home and am looking forward to working with a couple of horses in the morning, meeting a good friend for some mud late morning and start getting some things together for my trip to UCLA.  I was told by the nurse coordinator that I would most likely be going in within the next three to four weeks.  Need to go to the Social Security office in Ontario, always a real pleasure, right up there with the DMV or Medi-cal office, and get a new Social Security card being as I had mine in my day runner when it was stolen.  I shall never carry it with me again, lesson learned.
I would like to thank John, Darlene, Tandi and Debi for taking time out of their busy days to come visit me while I was in the hospital.  When you're down in a hospital bed there is nothing in the world as good as when friends or family come visit you.
Tonight I was reading a Facebook post from someone who is battling the same cancer that I have.  This led me to read some other post, kind of like going on YouTube and listening to musical artists.  Before you know it you started out listening to Waylon Jennings and somehow you finish up listening to Social Distortion.  As I read some of the comments I was amazed of how many people are really afraid of what they have.  Maybe I should be too, I don't know, but I am not.  Granted, I had a melt down a few weeks ago, where I felt as though I just didn't care anymore because this cancer had beat me down, but with the help of my fellow crusaders, I dusted myself off and got back in the saddle.  However, it wasn't because I was afraid.  Now, I am no tough guy anymore, those days are behind me, but I feel if you're afraid of your disease, whatever it is, you're letting it win.  You're letting the Devil beat you because fear and doubt are some of his best weapons.  I know this because I let him use them against me years ago.  In fact, years ago, I sold my soul to him but guess what, I stole it back.  I am no special when it come to courage or standing tall, just a old man who has walked to hell and back a couple of times in his life.  I am looking forward to finishing my memoirs so people out there that think they know me, but really don't, can appreciate where I have been and what I have done.  It's through this experiences, good and bad, wrong and right, that have brought me to the point in life where I am currently standing.  Not once have I blamed anyone, God, myself or anyone I know for having contracted this cancer.  Not once have I bitched about it.  Yes, I have moaned a time or two when the pain gets bad, but I always tough it out and most of the time I am not alone when I do.
During the summer of 2013, when I came home from a 9 week hospital/nursing home trip, my 21 year old daughter, Brittany, took ten weeks off of college to nurse me back to health.  I was down to 145 pounds, going through serious morphine withdrawals, and seriously near death.  She sacrificed graduating with her class so she could bring me back to life.  You had to had been there to understand just where I was at physically and how frail I was.  With her help, and the help of friends, I came back from a would be grave and am laying here tonight because of them.  I am not doing this alone, so please, don't think I am something special, for I am not.  What I am is this.  Resilient, stubborn, and ornery.  Don't tell me I can't do something.  If you do, expect it to be done.  Just like my first oncologist who told me I had six to eight months to live when first diagnosed I walked out of his office with defiance.  I like the challenge and I am going to relinquish the day when I walk out of UCLA with a clean bill of health, shake hands and hug all those who helped me get through it, have my farewell bull ride and smile at all those who were not supportive.  Yes, unfortunately there are those people, but it is those people that give me the greatest support. because it is those who wish ill, are jealous for whatever dumb reason, or wish to be judgmental that put fuel on my fire.  I will beat this!  If anyone can, it'll be me!  I have a lot left to do in this world.  I have beautiful children, a grand daughter that I hope to know, young people that need some help, and friend and family that want me around for a bit longer.  For the first time in my life I can really see my potential.  I wish it hadn't come down to dealing with cancer to wake me up, but the Lord has his ways of doing things.  If you ever have the chance to listen to a song that is so me, listen to "The Master's Call" by Marty Robbins.  As always, thanks to those who really have my back, who have stuck with me honestly, and who really are my friends.  You will never be forgotten.  That is my promise.  Goodnight all.