This Cowboy's Naked Truth

Somehow I am hooked up to a link on my Facebook page that is for folks diagnosed with leukemia.  A couple of thoughts have come to mind as I read some of the posts.  First, it's amazing how many people are being diagnosed with all forms of cancer, not just leukemia.  As I have stated before it is my personal belief that this outbreak is do to the food and water that we have been subjected to intake.  To me it's the common thread that we all share.  The chemicals that have been added to our food chain and water supply must have an affect on our bodies over time.  Secondly, the attitudes that people have when they find out they have leukemia.  Now, there are different forms of leukemia and most of them are very treatable with new and improved drugs.  However, there are those rare birds such as myself that happen to have a rare disorder and are not treatable but the intake of these drugs.  Ok, so what I say?  So many of these people that have just been diagnosed, in fact I have yet to read one that has a positive attitude, seem to wallow in their diagnoses and want people to feel sorry for them.  One particular woman I responded to was upset with me because I told her to embrace her cancer, cowgirl up, and use it to her advantage and the advantage of others.  You have it!  Ok, deal with it.  Don't let it control you and dictate how your going to approach the rest of your life.  She stated that she didn't want any pep talks, but instead she wanted to know that there are others out there that experience the same pain she does.  What the hell?  Of course there are.  Some of us are in more pain than others but I don't need to hear that from anyone.  I want people around me that are going to offer me support, keep me pumped up when I start to feel beaten down, and encourage me to "Cowboy Up."
Last night as my fellow bull riders and I met with Dave, the cowboy poet, at Pat's Kitchen he complimented me on my attitude because I told him it's just another bull ride to me.  Maybe this bull is the biggest, rankest, meanest bull I have yet to ride, but it doesn't mean he is not ride-able.  Remember, there isn't a cowboy that can't be throwed and a bull that can't be rode.  I just refuse to back down and give in.  I welcome this challenge in my life.  Bring it on because when I beat this one there will be another one down the road I'll need to be ready for.  Challenges make us stronger.  Yes, there have been many times when I have been beaten down so hard that I just wanted to give up, but like Dave said last night, "When your world seems so dark that you can't see there is always a little speck of little that you need to keep striving to get towards."  It's that light that keeps you going and keeps you alive.  He's right!  Tomorrow is going come.  The sun is going to rise and the day will go on.  There will be a way to get through.
As I write this the pressures on me today are heavy, I just decide not to show them to others.  Instead, I like to think of myself as being a bigger man and not think of my problems, but the problems of others that are less fortunate than me.
Dave Backer was such an interesting man to listen to last night.  It's amazing what you can learn if you just shut your mouth and listen.  Dave is only five years older than I, but his travels, which have paralleled mine in many ways, gave me encouragement as I prepare for my bone marrow transplant.
Now for a medical update.  I have heard from my doctors regarding the stomach cancer concern and am scheduled for a endoscopic routine so they can go in and take a peek at what's going on.  They have ruled out stomach cancer but are concerned as to why I occasionally cough up blood and have stomach pain.  So, this is good news to me because I wasn't quite sure how I would have responded to having stomach cancer again along with leukemia.  I just spoke with the nurse coordinator at UCLA and she is currently working on my file and is going to call me in one half hour to give me a date when I will receive my transplant.  So, things are progressing and it's time to getting ready to ride.
When us bull riders are getting ready to ride we go through many preparations behind the chutes that the folks in the stands don't see.  We get warmed up, stretch our bodies, spend time alone thinking about what we are about to do, how we are going to ride the bull we have, getting our gear ready, rosining up our rope and glove, putting on our spurs, taping up our bodies, making sure that our minds are in the right place.  Well, in half an hour I will finally start getting warmed up.
Would like to thank all of those who attended the fund raiser on my behalf at Jojo's and contributed all the many items that I will need once I am moved to the Tiverton Hotel.  The funds that were generated have helped me make it a bit easier to get through life and get me to this point.  I was told of a comment someone made regarding the GoFundMe account in which this person said that I was "making bank."  This is so far from the truth.  There have been many expenses during this journey that needed to be addressed, and there are still issues I have to address before I go in, and these funds have helped take some of that pressure off of me.  There is nothing proud about being on disability.  I don't like it and would much rather work for my money, but as long as employment is out of the question at this point, it is nice to know that I have earned some disability from all the years that I did work.  When I am through with this cancer I will be back to work and will get off disability.  I have ambitions and dreams to fulfill in my life and I will once again walk through another dark hell only to reach that little speck of light.  I would like to thank my family for all their support and love, especially my daughter Brittany who nursed me back to health when I left the hospitals in the summer of 2013.  There is no doubt I would have died in the nursing home I was placed in after my second long hospital stay and it was Brittany who took off ten weeks of college to stay with me and nurse me back to health.  To my friends, old and new, for all the encouragement, love and support.  To my friends on the Northwest corner.  Most of all, to the Lord above for giving me this trail and tribulation.  For keeping me in the game all these years for I truly believe he still has great plans for me in the future ahead.  When I find out the date of my transplant I will post it immediately for y'all.  Till then, "If you're going through hell, keep going."  Winston Churchhill.