Good morning.  Just woke up but still feeling pretty bad, in fact, I feel like death warmed over.    I don't know what I caught but it's kicking my butt.  Just don't have an ounce of energy to even get out of bed, but I need to.  Need to go to the store and get a few things, cup of mud maybe, and come home and collapse.
My doctor called back and is worried my white blood cell count is going up again.  Honestly, I am fed up with this cancer and what it does.  Every time I just start to feel good it raises it's ugly head and tries to knock me down again, but it hasn't knocked me out because I still keep getting back up.  Tuesday I will hear from the stem cell coordinator to find out what is being done and how long it will be before I am admitted for the transplant.
I have just read that Katie Cunningham's sister, who has once beaten leukemia, has been diagnosed with it again.  Yes, it is financially draining in ways that people who don't have it, don't understand, so I encourage you to visit her donation site and help this beautiful young lady.  There seems to be so many people that are fighting various cancers and other illnesses these days.  Just my two cents, but I strongly feel the culprit is our food and water sources.
This past week has been one of ups and downs, but when my youngest daughter showed me her Silver Honor Roll Award, an award for bringing her grades up, and an award for civic service, all the negative was quickly washed away into the gutter where it belongs and my baby's achievements let the sun in.  I am so very proud of her.  If you knew what she has gone through the past year, these achievements have even greater meaning.  I love you Berlyn!
Not much going on this week so I am going to work diligently on my book and hopefully spend more time with my homeless friend.  There is a reason that we have crossed paths.  Don't know what that reason is but I am excited to find out where this relationship goes.
Hoping to do some serious horseback riding as well.  Nothing as soothing and relaxing as riding a horse.  They're such majestic creatures and when you're riding them your mind just relaxes.
Just like bull riding but without the danger.
May y'all have a great Sunday, be safe, and I will see you later.  Take care.

Well, after being up for 36 hours with no sleep I finally passed out and slept for 13 hours.  Won't be doing that again any time soon.  Just couldn't sleep that night, had a lot on my mind, and got caught up on computer stuff.....Today, I got off to a late start, but made it out to work with Cody.  He was a big pain in the butt today, broke the lead rope while I was trying to wipe some FlyOff on him, got into the enclosed field and ran around, bucking and snorting.  I enticed him over with an orange, put another lead rope on him and walked him over to his stall.  He got a good rub down, was able to clean his hooves and that about did me in.  There is another horse next to him and I curry combed him, brushed him down good and cleaned his hooves as well.  Then Debi, she owns the horses, and I went to the house next door and talked to the owner of another horse that needs a little work.  Got my hands full but my strength seems to weaken each day.  Now I am lying in bed with a sore throat, hot and runny nose, headache and feeling just plain lousy.  Called my oncologist and told her and she wants me into the clinic on Monday.  She said she would have them call me with a time.  I am looking for a ride into Westwood on Monday if anyone cares to make the drive with me.  Just going to put a movie in a try to feel better.\
I saw the homeless young man I met the other day at Starbucks.  He walked up and said, "Howdy."  I asked him to have a seat and we talked for a bit.  I was trying to upload some photos from my cell phone to my laptop but had no idea what I was doing.  He said, "If you don't mind me taking over your phone and laptop, I think I can do it."  So, I let him and sure enough he had cord with him that hooked my phone up to my laptop and he downloaded the photos.  I am hoping that somehow I can help this young man out, get his life back, and clean him up.  I suppose if the good Lord wishes for that to happen he will.
After working with the horses I went to visit a friend and had the opportunity and pleasure of meeting her for the first time as well as her husband and son.  Very nice folks.  She has been a follower of my journey and has had a little surgery of her own just recently.  It's always nice to put a face with a name and today I did just that.
I really feel bad right now and am going to make this short.  Thank y'all for reading, for caring, and for being with me as I go through this battle and especially the war that is about to erupt in a few weeks, meaning the bone marrow transplant.
Goodnight and may God bless you all.

This is now the twelfth blog of the night.  Today, I was shown some texts from people in the community that have taken it upon themselves to be mean, cowardly, and backstabbing.  These people will not be at my fire any more.  I thought about defending myself, opening up my life on a blog, but I don't think I will.  Yes, mistakes are made and I have made plenty, but like Jesus and the whore, who hasn't?  Some people have to go out of their way to be hurtful and spiteful.  Their lives are so miserable and lonely that they have to try and make themselves feel better because their either jealous, upset, or otherwise have nothing going on.  My friends, my true friends, know me.  The ones that are so easily persuaded because they have heard something and don't confront me before deciding whether they wish to know me, are not my friends and never will be.

Today, I had the pleasure of meeting a woman in the Albertson's parking lot who follows my journey and wrote a very nice response regarding our meeting.  I had the pleasure of talking to a homeless young man only to be called by someone who knows him very well and after telling this person about my day said, don't worry about those people.  Katie, always a support and also gave me good words about her experience when she went in for her bone marrow transplant.  She said some people were mean and cruel but to stay focused on what is coming up.  I have enough on my plate without having to deal with a bunch of people that wish to say and spread hateful words.  However, there are so many of you that have stuck with me, know me, and for you, I am eternally grateful.

There are two sides to every fence.  Make sure you look at the ground on both sides before you decide to jump off.  Usually, one side is green and the other one is full of dung.  This will be my last blog regarding this subject.  I apologize for this one being so negative but I am not one to let people walk on me.   From now on, it will be about my journey.  Time to move on!

Sitting here at Starbucks enjoying a cup of mud and watching people come in and out.  A young man just walked by me, obviously homeless for he appears to have not had a bath or shave in quite some time.  His clothes are dirty and ragged.  As he walked by, we looked at one another and I said, "How ya doin"?  He said, "good."  How can he be good?  How does someone this age get into this position?  I understand there are addictions, drugs, booze, whatever, but I am interested in his story.  I don't know how I can help but I am going to find out.  Maybe I can take him over to Subway and have lunch with him.  I wish I had my own place for I would take him there and let him clean up a bit, feel better about himself.  Unfortunately, most people look at homeless folks and classify them as drug addicts or alcoholics, not really knowing their story.  I watched a clip on Facebook once where a young man went up to a homeless man, gave him a hundred dollar bill just to see what he would do with it.  He was sure the guy would go directly to a liquor store and buy a bottle.  Instead, he went and bought food and brought it back for his fellow homeless friends who were sitting in the park.  The young man was so taken back by this gesture that he went to him and gave him another hundred dollars.  He took the time to talk to the man and get his story.  The man was homeless, not due to addictions, but rather lack of employment.  He had lost his home, cars, marriage, everything.  Boy, can I relate to that.  He said it was just a matter of life's circumstances not put him where he is.
The young man just walked by me on his way out and I invited him over to my table.  He sat down and we introduced each other.  I shook his hand, he looked me in the eye with a firm handshake and I asked him his story.  As I was listening I couldn't help notice his gaunt face, bad teeth, unshaven, dirty face, but it didn't matter.  He reminded me of one of my sons who at one time went through five years of drug addiction, homelessness and living at the bottom.  I relayed the story of how my son finally turned the corner and is working hard, has a great girl, is responsible and left that life behind.  Being homeless may be an unfortunate circumstance as I am only a room away from being there, but to live your life on drugs or alcohol is a choice.  You really know what another person is going through.  You don't know there whole story, but yet there are people that feel the need to put their nose in someone else's business when it shouldn't be, say things about someone that aren't true or overly exaggerated.  This happened to me just two nights ago.  I don't know this young mans entire story but I do know that he is a fellow human being and regardless or his mistakes, misfortunes, wrong choices, whatever, it is not my job to judge.  As the bible says, if you can't forgive your fellow man, I will not forgive you.  This young man is a brother of mine and though I can't fix his life I sure the hell can help him out.  I asked him if he had any money on him.  Of course the answer was no.  I reached into my wallet and helped him out a bit.  I asked him if I could buy him a cup of mud and a bite to eat.  He accepted my offer.  We talked a bit more and than it was time to go separate directions.  I just could't help but see my sons years ago as I looked into this young mans face.  I suppose I will always have a soft spot for these young people.  When I get out of the hospital and get on my feet, I think I would like to work with these homeless kids.  Not sure what organizations are out there but I will find something local.  This just isn't right, not in this country.  Homeless vets, people that are victims of a failing economy, just isn't right.
Another observation this morning is how much people are in such a hurry.  Almost running into Starbucks to get there cup of whatever and hurrying back to their cars only to hurriedly drive away never seeing anything that is going on around them.  I just want to say slow down, look around, enjoy that fact that you are alive today, God is giving you time.  I suppose that is one of main reasons I love Wyoming, no one is in a hurry.  The country is beautiful, people are friendly and no one is in a rush to do anything.  One day
  Enjoy your day to the fullest.  Live life hard and I don't mean that literally.  Live it to it's fullest because time for all of us is running out, you just don't know when.  Catch ya'll next time.

Good Evening.
 Since Sunday's event I have taken a step back for a moment.  It was so overwhelming to meet each and every one of you.  My many thanks to those who coordinated and worked.  At two o'clock on Sunday afternoon I received a phone call that has sat me back the last few days.  I was informed that my sister in law had passed away.  I had just spent time with her this past October when I was in Denver.  My brother and her were recently married this past December and were madly in love with one another.  She apparently got out of bed at about two in the morning to use the restroom, came back to bed for a while and decided she couldn't sleep so she decided to go into the front room and lay on the sofa.  She gave my brother a kiss on the forehead and thanked him for taking such good care of her.  When my brother Scott woke up, he went to the front room to leave for work and gave her a kiss, but she didn't respond for she had died.  Needless to say, my brother is torn apart and it left me numb and crying for two hours before I came to the pizza joint.  I put on a happy face so as to not bring sadness to such a beautiful event but I will admit, it was hard.
I am still awaiting a phone call from my nurse coordinator to tell me to shag my butt into the hospital. So there really isn't anything new to report as far as my health or projected time to enter UCLA, but when I find out I will definitely post it before I go in.
   I just read a post on my timeline,"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
  I am now living in an apartment on Butterfield Ranch Road until I am called into the hospital. Acutally, it isn't my apartment, I am simply using a room. I am still working with Debi's horse, Cody, which is very therapeutic for me.  Going to my first horse race this weekend and am really looking forward to it.
 Also, a $100 was mailed out today and should arrive in your mail box tomorrow, Friday at the lastest.
See y'all tomorrow.

Laying here at 1:00 in the morning listening to some old country.  Songs about heartbreaks, drinkin', and rodeo.  Seems the three of them go together, always have, always will.  I was with my two daughters, their mother and her mother tonight for my little one's birthday.  She turned 14 yesterday and I couldn't be more proud of a young lady than I am of her.  That goes for both of my youngest daughters.  As I was watching all the girls while Berlyn opened up her presents I couldn't help but look at her mother.  Funny how you see someone differently when you are no longer together.  The color of her hair, the shape of her face, her smile, her laugh, all those things that attracted you years ago.  I just looked at her and smiled and though things will never be what they were and we will never be together again, I was thankful for the time we did have.  She's a beautiful woman and is twelve years my younger and will have no problem finding a new man to hopefully live the rest of her life with.  Yes, there is and always be a part of me that is still in love with her but I have to ride on.  First, I have to get my health back so I can get my life back.   Get back to work, whether bucking bulls, breaking horses, or whatever, I just want to work.  I have a great friend who is going to work with me on reacquiring a retirement package, one that I lost when the economy went south.  So many things that I want to accomplish yet even though I have done so many things already.
  As I lay here listening to George Jones, "He Stopped Loving Her Today," I wonder if there will be someone for me to fill the rest of my days.  I guess to those who are in solid relationships their views might be full of brightness and optimism, but when your 62, going through cancer, lost everything but your suitcase, guitar and rodeo gear, you don't have anything to offer some one.  Just thinking tonight.  Hell, I'll get off my little pity potty and cowboy up.  If the rest of my life is on a horse somewhere, so be it, could be a lot worse.  They nice thing about being in my shoes is that I have no one to answer too, nothing to hold me down, blowing like loose ashes in the wind, except for my daughters lol.  I guess I will play the cards dealt to me when they are dealt out.  Been playing poker all my life.  Going to meet a lot of new friends today.  I am a bit nervous and overwhelmed but I'll be there to hug each one that comes through the door.  I did have a bit of bad news today.  I received a text from someone that is disgruntled and I think a bit jealous that this community has opened their arms up to me.  To be honest, I was really mad for about two hours until I realized that someone else was controlling my mood and then I let it go.  I will deal with this person on my own but let me say this, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.  You may think you know someone's life but unless you're walking in their shoes, you have no idea.  It is not the right of anyone of us to judge.  If your a God fearing person, the bible tells us this.  As always, many thanks to those who have supported me, wrapped their arms around me and for the prayers.  Thank you y'all.

Hello y'all.  Sitting her at Starbucks trying to get caught up on emails, phone calls and doctor appointments.  I just spoke with my nursed coordinator at UCLA and asked what was going on with my case.  Right now they are just awaiting approval from Medical which should be very soon.  My doctor and her however are very concerned about the breathing problems that I have been experiencing lately.  I was told that they will not do the transplant until they can figure out what is wrong with my lungs because I have to go into this transplant with no problems.  She told me that if I experienced any further episodes where I can't breathe to page the doctor for she may want to admit me.  Well, that ain't going to happen this weekend for tomorrow is my little girls birthday and Sunday I finally will have the opportunity to meet so many of you that have been in the chute with me.
Lately I have been working with a horse every morning and it's very therapeutic for me.  He is a beautiful chestnut gelding that has a high spirited personality.  We are slowly coming to a meeting of the minds and am hoping to be done with him before I go into the hospital.  Speaking of which, I was told that it would most likely be three to four weeks before they admit me.  A bit apprehensive about the whole thing, especially after researching and reading all that is going to happen to me.  Katie Cunningham has been very helpful in supporting me but also informing me of what is coming up being as she has gone through this.  When I am told that I will be extremely nauseous, will acquire mouth sores that can go into my throat, losing all my hair and just plain feeling like death, doesn't sound like much to look forward to.  I pretty much have everything taken care of on my end except for lining up help when I am in the Triverton Hotel.  I was hoping that my son in Washington could have come down for a spell but he has no vacation or sick time to use and cannot come down.  I am pretty much going to have to fend for myself, which is perfectly fine.  UCLA is a long way away and it's asking a lot from people to come babysit my sorry butt for any length of time.  I kind of bull crapped the social worker and told him I had it covered.  I figure once I am in the hospital and having the transplant they will have to put me in regardless and I will just play those cards when they're dealt.
I have had the great pleasure of meeting many new friends that past two weeks and I know that my back is covered.  Like it's said, "There isn't a cowboy that can't be throwed or a bull that can't be rode" I expect to cover this bull.  I spoke with a newly found friend who said I had a good attitude about the whole thing.  It's just another rodeo in my life.  Another bull that I am going to try and ride.  It's a challenge and I am the kind of cowboy that needs to have challenges, otherwise life is just boring, and believe me, my life has been anything but boring.  Been writing stories covering those colorful events of my life.  Need to come up with a name for my book so if y'all have any suggestions I'd greatly appreciate reading them,
Would like to say thank you for the folks that have allowed me to bed down in their home.  For the hot showers, meals and friendship.  They have welcomed me into their family and have made me feel a part.  Many thanks to all the people that have donated on my behalf to offset medical expenses, gas back and forth to UCLA (my rig gets 11 miles per gallon so it sucks up the fuel and money), food, bills that don't stop coming in and just living.  I am really anxious to get off disability, get back to work, and feel like a man again.  I have been dependent on help for so long that I just can't feel good about myself much anymore.  There is so much that I want to give back and people I want to help.  Debts that need to be attended to and relationships that need to be nurtured.  Many thanks to the members of CHC, those who have been reading my blog, Facebook friends and of course, family.  A big thanks to Jack, Bill, Sandra, Gary, Lee, and Bob for welcoming me into their circle.  A heartfelt thanks to my fellow bull riders, Justin, Jorge, Austin, Jake and John for the continued support, prayers and love.  There are so many people to thank and I hope that I will be able to properly thank many of you this Sunday at JoJo's.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.