Tonight I had the privilege and opportunity to meet with a young man who is going through some painful times that I went through in my life.  We had a great dinner with his family and then went off by ourselves to talk.  It matters not what we talked about because it is no ones business but ours; however, it was a moving conversation.  I relayed two stories from my past that will be two stories in my memoirs.  Both of them have to do with life and death, survival, holy intervention and understanding why I am still alive.  This young man is extremely intelligent, articulate, educated and somewhat street savvy.  His future is as bright as the stars on a cold Wyoming night.  The world is awaiting at his feet and I firmly believe he will conquer this world and many others.  God has allowed me to stay around a bit longer so that I may have the opportunity to work with young people such as this fine young man.  Tonight I gave him my solemn promise that he can count of me, anytime, anyplace, matters not.  As I was telling him this I could see his eyes swell up with tears.  I could see that he was trying to hold back, but they flowed down his cheeks.  As he wiped his face my heart just sank because I started thinking back when I was his age wishing someone would have sat down and talked with me about my troubles as a young man.  His courage to do this, not just shed tears to a person he just met an hour earlier, but to open himself up and to allow me in was extraordinary.  A new friendship was made tonight.  There is no way I can fail this young man.  The pressure is on and I wouldn't have it any other way.  He wants to go watch what goes on in my world, so we are going out to the bull pen in a couple of weeks and come with me while I work the horses.  I am so looking forward to spending time with this young man and hopefully can help him make the right decisions in life and not go down the dark roads I did.  I would encourage anyone who reads this blog to go out of your way tomorrow, reach out to someone, lend a hand, offer a compliment, or maybe just say hello to a stranger.  We are all in this together.  It's not about you, it's not about me, it's about us.
Goodnight.  Going to hit the hay for I have a long hard week in front of me and need a bit of rest tonight.

The importance of a handshake

As I lay here tonight I can't help but look at my hands.  It's said that women can do whatever they wish to their face, breasts, stomachs, butts, lips and hair to make themselves look younger but the hands always give their age away.  I don't know if this is true for men, but when I look at mine, they appear to me to be much older than I am.  They're scarred, weathered, every finger has been broken, one finger is forever bent, callouses and wrinkles.  They're downright ugly, but they tell a lot of stories.  These hands have done many things and if I had to pick a body part to tell my life's stories it would be my hands.  They have helped bring life into this world, yet, they have been responsible for taking life away.   They have dug ditches, roped wild horses, branded cattle, ridden bulls and broncs, lifted weights, driven tractors, planted crops, and hunted game.  They have been in fights, broken glass, shattered jaws, opened whiskey bottles, and been involved in irreparable damage.  They have felt the smoothness of a babies bottom, the softness of a woman's skin and wiped tears away from women and children, as well as my own.  Everything that these hands have done, from shaking the hands of a president, professional athletes, rock and country stars, do not remotely compare to the shaking hands of a friend.  That simple gesture that seems to be fading among this generation is crucial in the development of a relationship.  I have stated this before but it seems fitting to state it again.  My Uncle Pudge, as strong a man as I have ever known, taught me many lessons in life, but none as important as this.  When you shake a man's hand, or woman's for that matter, give them a firm handshake and look them in the eye when you do.  Don't look away from their eyes and don't be the first one to let go of the handshake.  He taught me that a person's handshake was their signature.  If they look away from you or don't have a firm handshake, walk away from them for they are not to be trusted.  To this day, that simple gesture determines whether or not I will have much to do with a person.  Tonight, I met four young United States Marines, fellow bull riders in Norco before we headed over to Mira Loma for bull riding.  We met up in a parking lot at the Boot Barn.  When I pulled my rig into the parking lot they were already waiting for me.  We all exited our rigs, walked up to each other and shook hands.  Not one of us looked away.  Not one of us extended some dead fish for a hand.  Each one of us knows that through this simple gesture that we are not only friends, we are brothers in arms.  We have each others back at any time.  We all decided to go grab a quick burger before bull riding, sat and talked for a bit, and then headed out to the bull pen.  Maybe it's a cowboy thing, I don't really know, but every cowboy out there has the same handshake with the stare in the eyes.  When the night was over and the bulls were fed and put away, we all sat around our rigs talking about everything under the sun.  When it was time to go, we shook hands again to say goodbye.  What was touching about his evening however was one of the young marines shook my hand again and said thank you.  Neither one of us let go and neither one of us look away during this final conversation of the night.  He thanked me for all the help that I have given him, not only in bull riding, but life.  Wow!  He went on to say that I have taught him more than his own father.  What do you say to that?  I was at a loss for words.  I told him thank you for the kind words and guaranteed him that I would always be there for him.  I told him that he was like a son to me, just like the others, and there was nothing I wouldn't do for any of them.  Since we first met a while back, our relationships just keep growing and growing, becoming stronger and stronger.  Now I am not relaying this story because I am anything special, for I am not.  I am just a man whose hands have done so many things, bad and good, but it's nice to hear someone from this younger generation offer appreciation for what you have tried to teach them.  His last words tonight before we said goodbye were, "I am going to pass along what you have taught me to my children."  I was more than honored when he told me that.  It all started a while back when I rolled in early for bull riding and these four young men were there before anyone.  I had never seen them before, but I walked up with my rodeo gear and introduced myself to them.  They all shook my hand when introduced and it's because of that moment, that simple gesture, that five cowboys have bonded and friendships are being nurtured and impressions are being set.
Don't take a handshake for granted.  It is your signature.  What kind of signature do you have?  Is it valid?  Is is trustworthy?  Is it real?
Nothing to report on the health issues tonight.  Although I didn't ride bulls tonight, working them in the arena takes a lot out of you and tonight, they kicked my butt.  Going to hit the hay, rest my tired body and sleep.
Goodnight y'all.  May the rode rise up to meet you, the sun shine on your face and the wind at your back.

Been a rough couple of days since I was released from the hospital.  Having dealt with this cancer bug for two and half years now I know how my body feels when my white blood cell count is back on the rise, and on the rise it is.  Monday, I will call my oncologist and get in to see her next week if possible.  Today, I was in another world.  Drove to my mother in laws place to take a load of plants to their new place, stopped to get my mail, put some fuel in the rig, went to the bank, came home and collapsed for a four hour nap.  This is after having a twelve hour sleep the night before.  Every time my white blood cell count goes on the warpath, the tiredness sets in and so does the pain.  I pray every night that my screams don't wake up others.  It feels like someone is taking a red hot branding iron to my bones.  I can't take enough pain medication and so I don't.  Just have to cowboy up.
I missed riding Cody today, just didn't have it in me, but tomorrow we shall ride.  Afterwards, I hope to grab some cheap grub, go see some friends in Norco, head over to the horse auction in Mira Loma at five and then go bull riding up the street at 7.
There are a couple of things on my mind tonight that I just need to get off.  Hopefully, I won't upset anyone, but if I do, well it was just meant to be.
I was invited to a writers club meeting the other night by a wonderful woman by the name of Christine.  She was the one who originally put the group together years ago and was kind enough to invite me.  I am not sure how she came to know me or why she thought I was a writer but regardless I accepted her invitation and we headed over to old town Pomona to an art gallery where this meeting was to take place.  Now, most of you know me well enough that I don't go anywhere without my hat, buckle, Wrangler's and boots.  I don't clean my hat and I don't clean my boots.  When we parked and got out of her car I felt I was in another country.  Nothing to do with other ethnic groups, but the way people dressed.  No one dresses like me, not even in Chino Hills!  I have to go to Norco to fit in around here and even there I get people that stare.  The meeting was interesting to say the least.  I was asked to read one of my stories that most of you have read in the past.  I chose to read the story of when I was in law enforcement and found the baby boy stabbed in his crib.  As I was reading my story I started to get a bit choked up at times because it is a memory that I wish I could forget, but I can't.  After I read my story the group, one at a time, nine people in all, began to offer their critiques.  Keep in mind that these people are on a whole different level of writing than I am.  I am not a writer.  I am terrible at English, the use of punctuation, grammar, pronouns, verbs, etc, etc.  I don't even know what a pronoun is.  One gentleman shared a play that he wrote.  A play!  Another shared a Sci-Fi story he wrote that was so over my head and ability to comprehend, I just pretended to know what the hell he was talking about.  One gentleman study writing at Harvard while another was an ex-college professor.  Talk about a fish being out of water.  They opened up my story like a can of tuna and scrapped out every last piece of fish and then rinsed the can in hot water before throwing it away.  I will admit, it is hard for me to take criticisms, especially by strangers, but I sat there and listened.  Didn't pull my knife or throw my fists but for a few moments I thought it would be best if I just got up and walked out.  However, I stuck it out and soon it was time to move on to the next story from someone else.  Then I was asked to critique and I just had to pass.  Who the hell am I to critique anything, especially some writing by folks that do this for a living.  I am just a simple Joe trying to put down on paper some life experiences so that my children may want to read them one day.  It's been a long time since I felt like a small fish in a big pond.  Now not get me wrong, these folks were good people.  I thoroughly enjoyed their company and their critiques were well received in the end.  They opened my eyes to just how terrible a writer I am and how much more I need to improve if I ever want to think about publishing my memoirs.  When I got home that night, I felt like I had just been on Bushwacker or Bodacious.  I now need to go back through my stories and dissect them, beef them up, and then one day maybe I will share them again.  I would like to thank Christine for allowing me into the group and hope to go back for another butt whooping.
For years I stayed away from going to church.  I was raised in the Mormon religion from the age of 5 to 16 when I left home.  It was all I knew and to this day, it is what I believe.  Now, I may not practice it well, for I fall on my face all the time, but it is my belief.  I don't go around putting other people down for what they believe in and I sure don't appreciate people doing it to me.  I have had folks say some mighty bad things, promoting their beliefs or church saying that I am wrong and they are right.  Why can't people just be happy that you believe in Jesus?  Why can't that just be enough?  I don't need any crusaders trying to get me to change.  I am 62 years of age and I am not going to change.  I like the way I am.  If you really knew me, really knew my life, you would be happy for me to be where I am today.
I haven't been to church in a while, mostly due to lack of attire and not feeling well, along with being in and out of the hospital.  One thing I have noticed, when you don't go, people tend to forget about you.  They don't talk to you anymore, send you Facebook messages or even give to cents on how your doing.  I guess it's out of sight, out of mind mentality.  Same goes for some of my "friends" that I have.  Honestly, I am moving on in my life and most likely will be moving on one day to where I belong.
Last but not least.  If you have something to say about me and aren't a big enough person to say it to me, then don't say anything at all.  This is a very small town and I know a tremendous amount of people, so when something is said, I hear eventually hear it and at times, it's just plain disappointing.  I am an open book.  You all have read it or heard it.  There is nothing that I hide from.  Doesn't matter what the past held.  I have put my life out there so maybe, just maybe, someone who is going through a rough stretch in their road might know the choices I made and repercussions that followed and help them make a better choice.  I am not looking for glorification, sympathy, pity or anything else, just like helping people, especially young people.  I didn't have anyone to direct me when I was young.  There was no one to help me out of trouble or counsel me.  I learned it the hard way and though I am damn proud of making it this far in life, there is a whole world of young people who need help.
Well, enough of my two cents.  Going to take my medications and try to feel better.  To those of you that contributed to my cause, I will not let you down.  I will win!  I always do, always have and always will.
May the good Lord shine his light on you.

Just arrived home today after spending three days at Chino Valley Hospital.  Monday, I was experiencing some chest pains and breathing difficulties.  At the request of my ex, I went to the urgent care in Chino Hills.  They immediately took me in and completed an EKG.  They told me that there were irregularities with EKG and called 911.  They asked me where I wanted to go and I said, "Pomona Valley Hospital."  They told me that Pomona Valley was saturated and I would be seen in a more expedient manner at Chino Valley.  Reluctantly, I agreed.  Although Chino Valley has stepped up their game over the years, it's still not close to being on the level of a larger hospital.  With that being said, I was admitted to Chino Valley where they check out my heart with a fine toothed comb and everything was fine.  They did not have any answers as to what was causing the pain, nor did they determine why I am having these breathing episodes.  Finally, this afternoon, a doctor came in and suggested that it was when I had broke my sternum many, many years ago, and that it was causing muscular spasms which leads to the pain and causing me to breath hard at times.  Now, I am by no means a doctor, and though I have experienced more broken bones, surgeries and other traumas, more than ten people put together would have experienced, I also know when smoke is being blown up my rear end.  I simply smiled, thanked her, and got out.  She did tell me however that nothing that I was experiencing would prohibit me from having a bone marrow transplant in the near future.  I will let my oncologist at UCLA tell me that I think.
Anyway, I back at the apartment and trying to catch up on my blog and other activities being as there was no WiFi at Chino Valley.  It is good to be home and am looking forward to working with a couple of horses in the morning, meeting a good friend for some mud late morning and start getting some things together for my trip to UCLA.  I was told by the nurse coordinator that I would most likely be going in within the next three to four weeks.  Need to go to the Social Security office in Ontario, always a real pleasure, right up there with the DMV or Medi-cal office, and get a new Social Security card being as I had mine in my day runner when it was stolen.  I shall never carry it with me again, lesson learned.
I would like to thank John, Darlene, Tandi and Debi for taking time out of their busy days to come visit me while I was in the hospital.  When you're down in a hospital bed there is nothing in the world as good as when friends or family come visit you.
Tonight I was reading a Facebook post from someone who is battling the same cancer that I have.  This led me to read some other post, kind of like going on YouTube and listening to musical artists.  Before you know it you started out listening to Waylon Jennings and somehow you finish up listening to Social Distortion.  As I read some of the comments I was amazed of how many people are really afraid of what they have.  Maybe I should be too, I don't know, but I am not.  Granted, I had a melt down a few weeks ago, where I felt as though I just didn't care anymore because this cancer had beat me down, but with the help of my fellow crusaders, I dusted myself off and got back in the saddle.  However, it wasn't because I was afraid.  Now, I am no tough guy anymore, those days are behind me, but I feel if you're afraid of your disease, whatever it is, you're letting it win.  You're letting the Devil beat you because fear and doubt are some of his best weapons.  I know this because I let him use them against me years ago.  In fact, years ago, I sold my soul to him but guess what, I stole it back.  I am no special when it come to courage or standing tall, just a old man who has walked to hell and back a couple of times in his life.  I am looking forward to finishing my memoirs so people out there that think they know me, but really don't, can appreciate where I have been and what I have done.  It's through this experiences, good and bad, wrong and right, that have brought me to the point in life where I am currently standing.  Not once have I blamed anyone, God, myself or anyone I know for having contracted this cancer.  Not once have I bitched about it.  Yes, I have moaned a time or two when the pain gets bad, but I always tough it out and most of the time I am not alone when I do.
During the summer of 2013, when I came home from a 9 week hospital/nursing home trip, my 21 year old daughter, Brittany, took ten weeks off of college to nurse me back to health.  I was down to 145 pounds, going through serious morphine withdrawals, and seriously near death.  She sacrificed graduating with her class so she could bring me back to life.  You had to had been there to understand just where I was at physically and how frail I was.  With her help, and the help of friends, I came back from a would be grave and am laying here tonight because of them.  I am not doing this alone, so please, don't think I am something special, for I am not.  What I am is this.  Resilient, stubborn, and ornery.  Don't tell me I can't do something.  If you do, expect it to be done.  Just like my first oncologist who told me I had six to eight months to live when first diagnosed I walked out of his office with defiance.  I like the challenge and I am going to relinquish the day when I walk out of UCLA with a clean bill of health, shake hands and hug all those who helped me get through it, have my farewell bull ride and smile at all those who were not supportive.  Yes, unfortunately there are those people, but it is those people that give me the greatest support. because it is those who wish ill, are jealous for whatever dumb reason, or wish to be judgmental that put fuel on my fire.  I will beat this!  If anyone can, it'll be me!  I have a lot left to do in this world.  I have beautiful children, a grand daughter that I hope to know, young people that need some help, and friend and family that want me around for a bit longer.  For the first time in my life I can really see my potential.  I wish it hadn't come down to dealing with cancer to wake me up, but the Lord has his ways of doing things.  If you ever have the chance to listen to a song that is so me, listen to "The Master's Call" by Marty Robbins.  As always, thanks to those who really have my back, who have stuck with me honestly, and who really are my friends.  You will never be forgotten.  That is my promise.  Goodnight all.

Good morning.  Just woke up but still feeling pretty bad, in fact, I feel like death warmed over.    I don't know what I caught but it's kicking my butt.  Just don't have an ounce of energy to even get out of bed, but I need to.  Need to go to the store and get a few things, cup of mud maybe, and come home and collapse.
My doctor called back and is worried my white blood cell count is going up again.  Honestly, I am fed up with this cancer and what it does.  Every time I just start to feel good it raises it's ugly head and tries to knock me down again, but it hasn't knocked me out because I still keep getting back up.  Tuesday I will hear from the stem cell coordinator to find out what is being done and how long it will be before I am admitted for the transplant.
I have just read that Katie Cunningham's sister, who has once beaten leukemia, has been diagnosed with it again.  Yes, it is financially draining in ways that people who don't have it, don't understand, so I encourage you to visit her donation site and help this beautiful young lady.  There seems to be so many people that are fighting various cancers and other illnesses these days.  Just my two cents, but I strongly feel the culprit is our food and water sources.
This past week has been one of ups and downs, but when my youngest daughter showed me her Silver Honor Roll Award, an award for bringing her grades up, and an award for civic service, all the negative was quickly washed away into the gutter where it belongs and my baby's achievements let the sun in.  I am so very proud of her.  If you knew what she has gone through the past year, these achievements have even greater meaning.  I love you Berlyn!
Not much going on this week so I am going to work diligently on my book and hopefully spend more time with my homeless friend.  There is a reason that we have crossed paths.  Don't know what that reason is but I am excited to find out where this relationship goes.
Hoping to do some serious horseback riding as well.  Nothing as soothing and relaxing as riding a horse.  They're such majestic creatures and when you're riding them your mind just relaxes.
Just like bull riding but without the danger.
May y'all have a great Sunday, be safe, and I will see you later.  Take care.

Well, after being up for 36 hours with no sleep I finally passed out and slept for 13 hours.  Won't be doing that again any time soon.  Just couldn't sleep that night, had a lot on my mind, and got caught up on computer stuff.....Today, I got off to a late start, but made it out to work with Cody.  He was a big pain in the butt today, broke the lead rope while I was trying to wipe some FlyOff on him, got into the enclosed field and ran around, bucking and snorting.  I enticed him over with an orange, put another lead rope on him and walked him over to his stall.  He got a good rub down, was able to clean his hooves and that about did me in.  There is another horse next to him and I curry combed him, brushed him down good and cleaned his hooves as well.  Then Debi, she owns the horses, and I went to the house next door and talked to the owner of another horse that needs a little work.  Got my hands full but my strength seems to weaken each day.  Now I am lying in bed with a sore throat, hot and runny nose, headache and feeling just plain lousy.  Called my oncologist and told her and she wants me into the clinic on Monday.  She said she would have them call me with a time.  I am looking for a ride into Westwood on Monday if anyone cares to make the drive with me.  Just going to put a movie in a try to feel better.\
I saw the homeless young man I met the other day at Starbucks.  He walked up and said, "Howdy."  I asked him to have a seat and we talked for a bit.  I was trying to upload some photos from my cell phone to my laptop but had no idea what I was doing.  He said, "If you don't mind me taking over your phone and laptop, I think I can do it."  So, I let him and sure enough he had cord with him that hooked my phone up to my laptop and he downloaded the photos.  I am hoping that somehow I can help this young man out, get his life back, and clean him up.  I suppose if the good Lord wishes for that to happen he will.
After working with the horses I went to visit a friend and had the opportunity and pleasure of meeting her for the first time as well as her husband and son.  Very nice folks.  She has been a follower of my journey and has had a little surgery of her own just recently.  It's always nice to put a face with a name and today I did just that.
I really feel bad right now and am going to make this short.  Thank y'all for reading, for caring, and for being with me as I go through this battle and especially the war that is about to erupt in a few weeks, meaning the bone marrow transplant.
Goodnight and may God bless you all.

This is now the twelfth blog of the night.  Today, I was shown some texts from people in the community that have taken it upon themselves to be mean, cowardly, and backstabbing.  These people will not be at my fire any more.  I thought about defending myself, opening up my life on a blog, but I don't think I will.  Yes, mistakes are made and I have made plenty, but like Jesus and the whore, who hasn't?  Some people have to go out of their way to be hurtful and spiteful.  Their lives are so miserable and lonely that they have to try and make themselves feel better because their either jealous, upset, or otherwise have nothing going on.  My friends, my true friends, know me.  The ones that are so easily persuaded because they have heard something and don't confront me before deciding whether they wish to know me, are not my friends and never will be.

Today, I had the pleasure of meeting a woman in the Albertson's parking lot who follows my journey and wrote a very nice response regarding our meeting.  I had the pleasure of talking to a homeless young man only to be called by someone who knows him very well and after telling this person about my day said, don't worry about those people.  Katie, always a support and also gave me good words about her experience when she went in for her bone marrow transplant.  She said some people were mean and cruel but to stay focused on what is coming up.  I have enough on my plate without having to deal with a bunch of people that wish to say and spread hateful words.  However, there are so many of you that have stuck with me, know me, and for you, I am eternally grateful.

There are two sides to every fence.  Make sure you look at the ground on both sides before you decide to jump off.  Usually, one side is green and the other one is full of dung.  This will be my last blog regarding this subject.  I apologize for this one being so negative but I am not one to let people walk on me.   From now on, it will be about my journey.  Time to move on!

Sitting here at Starbucks enjoying a cup of mud and watching people come in and out.  A young man just walked by me, obviously homeless for he appears to have not had a bath or shave in quite some time.  His clothes are dirty and ragged.  As he walked by, we looked at one another and I said, "How ya doin"?  He said, "good."  How can he be good?  How does someone this age get into this position?  I understand there are addictions, drugs, booze, whatever, but I am interested in his story.  I don't know how I can help but I am going to find out.  Maybe I can take him over to Subway and have lunch with him.  I wish I had my own place for I would take him there and let him clean up a bit, feel better about himself.  Unfortunately, most people look at homeless folks and classify them as drug addicts or alcoholics, not really knowing their story.  I watched a clip on Facebook once where a young man went up to a homeless man, gave him a hundred dollar bill just to see what he would do with it.  He was sure the guy would go directly to a liquor store and buy a bottle.  Instead, he went and bought food and brought it back for his fellow homeless friends who were sitting in the park.  The young man was so taken back by this gesture that he went to him and gave him another hundred dollars.  He took the time to talk to the man and get his story.  The man was homeless, not due to addictions, but rather lack of employment.  He had lost his home, cars, marriage, everything.  Boy, can I relate to that.  He said it was just a matter of life's circumstances not put him where he is.
The young man just walked by me on his way out and I invited him over to my table.  He sat down and we introduced each other.  I shook his hand, he looked me in the eye with a firm handshake and I asked him his story.  As I was listening I couldn't help notice his gaunt face, bad teeth, unshaven, dirty face, but it didn't matter.  He reminded me of one of my sons who at one time went through five years of drug addiction, homelessness and living at the bottom.  I relayed the story of how my son finally turned the corner and is working hard, has a great girl, is responsible and left that life behind.  Being homeless may be an unfortunate circumstance as I am only a room away from being there, but to live your life on drugs or alcohol is a choice.  You really know what another person is going through.  You don't know there whole story, but yet there are people that feel the need to put their nose in someone else's business when it shouldn't be, say things about someone that aren't true or overly exaggerated.  This happened to me just two nights ago.  I don't know this young mans entire story but I do know that he is a fellow human being and regardless or his mistakes, misfortunes, wrong choices, whatever, it is not my job to judge.  As the bible says, if you can't forgive your fellow man, I will not forgive you.  This young man is a brother of mine and though I can't fix his life I sure the hell can help him out.  I asked him if he had any money on him.  Of course the answer was no.  I reached into my wallet and helped him out a bit.  I asked him if I could buy him a cup of mud and a bite to eat.  He accepted my offer.  We talked a bit more and than it was time to go separate directions.  I just could't help but see my sons years ago as I looked into this young mans face.  I suppose I will always have a soft spot for these young people.  When I get out of the hospital and get on my feet, I think I would like to work with these homeless kids.  Not sure what organizations are out there but I will find something local.  This just isn't right, not in this country.  Homeless vets, people that are victims of a failing economy, just isn't right.
Another observation this morning is how much people are in such a hurry.  Almost running into Starbucks to get there cup of whatever and hurrying back to their cars only to hurriedly drive away never seeing anything that is going on around them.  I just want to say slow down, look around, enjoy that fact that you are alive today, God is giving you time.  I suppose that is one of main reasons I love Wyoming, no one is in a hurry.  The country is beautiful, people are friendly and no one is in a rush to do anything.  One day
  Enjoy your day to the fullest.  Live life hard and I don't mean that literally.  Live it to it's fullest because time for all of us is running out, you just don't know when.  Catch ya'll next time.

Good Evening.
 Since Sunday's event I have taken a step back for a moment.  It was so overwhelming to meet each and every one of you.  My many thanks to those who coordinated and worked.  At two o'clock on Sunday afternoon I received a phone call that has sat me back the last few days.  I was informed that my sister in law had passed away.  I had just spent time with her this past October when I was in Denver.  My brother and her were recently married this past December and were madly in love with one another.  She apparently got out of bed at about two in the morning to use the restroom, came back to bed for a while and decided she couldn't sleep so she decided to go into the front room and lay on the sofa.  She gave my brother a kiss on the forehead and thanked him for taking such good care of her.  When my brother Scott woke up, he went to the front room to leave for work and gave her a kiss, but she didn't respond for she had died.  Needless to say, my brother is torn apart and it left me numb and crying for two hours before I came to the pizza joint.  I put on a happy face so as to not bring sadness to such a beautiful event but I will admit, it was hard.
I am still awaiting a phone call from my nurse coordinator to tell me to shag my butt into the hospital. So there really isn't anything new to report as far as my health or projected time to enter UCLA, but when I find out I will definitely post it before I go in.
   I just read a post on my timeline,"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
  I am now living in an apartment on Butterfield Ranch Road until I am called into the hospital. Acutally, it isn't my apartment, I am simply using a room. I am still working with Debi's horse, Cody, which is very therapeutic for me.  Going to my first horse race this weekend and am really looking forward to it.
 Also, a $100 was mailed out today and should arrive in your mail box tomorrow, Friday at the lastest.
See y'all tomorrow.

Laying here at 1:00 in the morning listening to some old country.  Songs about heartbreaks, drinkin', and rodeo.  Seems the three of them go together, always have, always will.  I was with my two daughters, their mother and her mother tonight for my little one's birthday.  She turned 14 yesterday and I couldn't be more proud of a young lady than I am of her.  That goes for both of my youngest daughters.  As I was watching all the girls while Berlyn opened up her presents I couldn't help but look at her mother.  Funny how you see someone differently when you are no longer together.  The color of her hair, the shape of her face, her smile, her laugh, all those things that attracted you years ago.  I just looked at her and smiled and though things will never be what they were and we will never be together again, I was thankful for the time we did have.  She's a beautiful woman and is twelve years my younger and will have no problem finding a new man to hopefully live the rest of her life with.  Yes, there is and always be a part of me that is still in love with her but I have to ride on.  First, I have to get my health back so I can get my life back.   Get back to work, whether bucking bulls, breaking horses, or whatever, I just want to work.  I have a great friend who is going to work with me on reacquiring a retirement package, one that I lost when the economy went south.  So many things that I want to accomplish yet even though I have done so many things already.
  As I lay here listening to George Jones, "He Stopped Loving Her Today," I wonder if there will be someone for me to fill the rest of my days.  I guess to those who are in solid relationships their views might be full of brightness and optimism, but when your 62, going through cancer, lost everything but your suitcase, guitar and rodeo gear, you don't have anything to offer some one.  Just thinking tonight.  Hell, I'll get off my little pity potty and cowboy up.  If the rest of my life is on a horse somewhere, so be it, could be a lot worse.  They nice thing about being in my shoes is that I have no one to answer too, nothing to hold me down, blowing like loose ashes in the wind, except for my daughters lol.  I guess I will play the cards dealt to me when they are dealt out.  Been playing poker all my life.  Going to meet a lot of new friends today.  I am a bit nervous and overwhelmed but I'll be there to hug each one that comes through the door.  I did have a bit of bad news today.  I received a text from someone that is disgruntled and I think a bit jealous that this community has opened their arms up to me.  To be honest, I was really mad for about two hours until I realized that someone else was controlling my mood and then I let it go.  I will deal with this person on my own but let me say this, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.  You may think you know someone's life but unless you're walking in their shoes, you have no idea.  It is not the right of anyone of us to judge.  If your a God fearing person, the bible tells us this.  As always, many thanks to those who have supported me, wrapped their arms around me and for the prayers.  Thank you y'all.

Hello y'all.  Sitting her at Starbucks trying to get caught up on emails, phone calls and doctor appointments.  I just spoke with my nursed coordinator at UCLA and asked what was going on with my case.  Right now they are just awaiting approval from Medical which should be very soon.  My doctor and her however are very concerned about the breathing problems that I have been experiencing lately.  I was told that they will not do the transplant until they can figure out what is wrong with my lungs because I have to go into this transplant with no problems.  She told me that if I experienced any further episodes where I can't breathe to page the doctor for she may want to admit me.  Well, that ain't going to happen this weekend for tomorrow is my little girls birthday and Sunday I finally will have the opportunity to meet so many of you that have been in the chute with me.
Lately I have been working with a horse every morning and it's very therapeutic for me.  He is a beautiful chestnut gelding that has a high spirited personality.  We are slowly coming to a meeting of the minds and am hoping to be done with him before I go into the hospital.  Speaking of which, I was told that it would most likely be three to four weeks before they admit me.  A bit apprehensive about the whole thing, especially after researching and reading all that is going to happen to me.  Katie Cunningham has been very helpful in supporting me but also informing me of what is coming up being as she has gone through this.  When I am told that I will be extremely nauseous, will acquire mouth sores that can go into my throat, losing all my hair and just plain feeling like death, doesn't sound like much to look forward to.  I pretty much have everything taken care of on my end except for lining up help when I am in the Triverton Hotel.  I was hoping that my son in Washington could have come down for a spell but he has no vacation or sick time to use and cannot come down.  I am pretty much going to have to fend for myself, which is perfectly fine.  UCLA is a long way away and it's asking a lot from people to come babysit my sorry butt for any length of time.  I kind of bull crapped the social worker and told him I had it covered.  I figure once I am in the hospital and having the transplant they will have to put me in regardless and I will just play those cards when they're dealt.
I have had the great pleasure of meeting many new friends that past two weeks and I know that my back is covered.  Like it's said, "There isn't a cowboy that can't be throwed or a bull that can't be rode" I expect to cover this bull.  I spoke with a newly found friend who said I had a good attitude about the whole thing.  It's just another rodeo in my life.  Another bull that I am going to try and ride.  It's a challenge and I am the kind of cowboy that needs to have challenges, otherwise life is just boring, and believe me, my life has been anything but boring.  Been writing stories covering those colorful events of my life.  Need to come up with a name for my book so if y'all have any suggestions I'd greatly appreciate reading them,
Would like to say thank you for the folks that have allowed me to bed down in their home.  For the hot showers, meals and friendship.  They have welcomed me into their family and have made me feel a part.  Many thanks to all the people that have donated on my behalf to offset medical expenses, gas back and forth to UCLA (my rig gets 11 miles per gallon so it sucks up the fuel and money), food, bills that don't stop coming in and just living.  I am really anxious to get off disability, get back to work, and feel like a man again.  I have been dependent on help for so long that I just can't feel good about myself much anymore.  There is so much that I want to give back and people I want to help.  Debts that need to be attended to and relationships that need to be nurtured.  Many thanks to the members of CHC, those who have been reading my blog, Facebook friends and of course, family.  A big thanks to Jack, Bill, Sandra, Gary, Lee, and Bob for welcoming me into their circle.  A heartfelt thanks to my fellow bull riders, Justin, Jorge, Austin, Jake and John for the continued support, prayers and love.  There are so many people to thank and I hope that I will be able to properly thank many of you this Sunday at JoJo's.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Laying here at 12:18 in the morning, unable to sleep because the body just hurts to darn much.  Been taking some pain medication tonight to knock the edge off, but these bones are just on fire so I thought I would take the time to try and get my mind off it and type on this here blog.
I was thinking back about my life, where I have been, what I have done, and more importantly, where am I going.  Everyone wants me to finish my memoirs, and I am working on them, but there just stories like anyone else has.  I ask myself, what makes mine any different?  What's the big deal?  Why would anyone want to read them?  Then I thought of what a good friend of mine said.  She told me that I should write them for my children so they would know about my life.  So, I continue to pound away at them, hoping someone will want to read them.
As I travel through this journey I am on, battling this cancer that has just riddled my body and has taken away so much, my goal is to try and help others overcome.  We all have trials and tribulations.  We are all battling something in our lives.  Some people like myself have lived it, breathed it and seen it.  There just isn't much left that I haven't experienced for my life has been that colorful, so perhaps there is another reason to keep writing.  I hope so.  I like to try and make a difference in someones life, just as any decent human being would want to do.  I believe it's in our nature to try and help, put a smile on a face, offer inspiration and hope to a troubling soul.
This past month has been quite adventurous.  After bouncing around a couple of living arrangements I have a place to lay my head that is warm and comfortable.  Sleeping in a truck that is five feet, five inches wide when you're six foot is just not comfortable lol.  I can remember spending many a night sleeping in or under my truck when I was on the rodeo circuit but I was also forty years younger and I could handle it.  It's embarrassing to be in my shoes right now.  I worked all my life and I worked hard.  Never in a million years would I have thought I would be homeless and though I am not living on the street, I am somewhat homeless.  Now, I am not playing a sad violin, but merely trying to make a point.  I spent years trying to keep up with everyone else and I failed miserably.  Had a house, fine cars, beautiful furnishings, pool, pets, dining out, insurance on everything, retirement and health.  Then one day, three months after buying our first home, the housing market collapsed and so did my business.  The dominoes began to fall.  First, all the luxuries were cut from the budget.  I know so many of you have gone through this but let me tell my story.  Then the retirement was being eaten away trying to make it to the next month.  Soon, it was all gone.  Lost the house, cars, life insurance, everything that we had was gone.  Not because of laziness or lack of trying, it just happened and one day you wake up and what was, is no longer.  The stress on the marriage was unmanageable and soon it began to implode.  We moved from a beautiful home to an two bedroom apartment and then the news came that I had this cancer.  When I first learned what I had and the stage it was in, I was shocked.  I refused to believe what I had been told.  There was no way in hell that I had this.  I had taken great care of myself all my life.  I was in the best shape a 60 year old man could have been in, but when my oncologist told me that unless I had a transplant I would only have six to eight months  to live, things began to set in.
I was diagnosed in September of 2012.  Thinking that I only had so much time, I enrolled back into college to finish something that I had started over forty years ago.  Over the next two months my body started going through some hard changes.  I began to lose weight and ended up going from 210 pounds to 145 pounds.  I would spend seven of the next twelve months in the hospital.  We were receiving assistance from my church and from the state.  The stress of everyday living was taking it's toll on my wife at the time, our two beautiful daughters and me.  All my pride was shredded.  I felt like the lowest man God had ever made.  However, there was a bright side to all this.  It's called humility.  I was stripped of all worldly possessions.  Stripped of my physique that I spent years in the making.  Stripped of my health, given cancer, for the second time.  Eventually, lost my wife and not having my daughters come through the door giving me a big hug and a kiss.  Of my five children, I have completely lost two of them for neither of them will have anything to do with me and for why, I really don't know, but if they can't tell me, I can't try to fix it.  So, I move on for I have three left that do have me in their lives.  So, here I lay tonight and you would think I am feeling sorry for myself but I am far from it.
This cancer, it's no big deal!  I could lay around and feel sorry for myself and I would have every right to do so, but I don't.  I haven't complained about it, I haven't let it beat me and by God, I will put this behind me just like the cancer I beat twenty three years ago.  Life is a rodeo.  Each rodeo is different.  Sometimes you win the trophy buckle and sometimes you leave with no money and broken bones, but you know you have to get on down the road to the next one and you know you will have to ride regardless of whether you hurt or not.  You have too!  If you don't, you've given up, laying around like a wounded dog, licking it's wounds and shivering in the corner.  I welcome this opportunity to have this cancer.  I say, bring it on!  This is the best you have?  I don't want to go through the ordeals that I am about to face.  I will readily admit this, but I will walk in that hospital with a smile on my face, some jokes to keep the nurses laughing, an attitude that will be inspirational to my fellow patients and I will walk out, unassisted, so I can rebuild my life.  Everything I had was just stuff and stuff can be replaced.  What can't be replaced are relationships and though it seems that some of my friends have nothing to do with me anymore, I have been blessed to have acquired much more than I lost.  I have nothing to complain about.  Nothing!  Yes, my life might not be going the way I want but I have so much to be thankful for and as y'all say, God has this!
My thanks to all of you that have given or your money, food, items that I will need in the hospital and recovery, support, prayers and love.  Not sure how I can repay the kindness but I will always have your back.  You will always have a cowboy in your life as long as I am alive and I plan on living long.
Goodnight y'all!

What a night!  Woke up this afternoon at 1:15.  Had a great time with friends at Roscoe's and then off to bull riding.  I was extremely upset and disappointed that the owner of the bulls would not let me get on last night.  We haggled back and forth but he wouldn't budge.  He said when I beat this cancer and get healthy then he'll let me ride.  So, my final ride has yet to happen, just being postponed for a bit.  Everyone that came to dinner followed us out to the bull pen and they were able to see bull riding up close and personal.  Took them behind the chutes and they got to take pictures of the bulls and see them up close.  Then is was time to go to work.  We all help out by doing assorted duties like pulling the chute gate open, unlatching the chute gate, pulling ropes, or herding the bulls out of the arena.  Last night I herded bulls and pulled some ropes.  Afterwards, a great friend of mine and my fellow bull riders went out for a bit and talked an laughed.  I was a bit embarrassed because everyone was coming out to watch me ride my last bull and I was not allowed to ride.  I suppose there are reasons for everything.
Today, I am not going to get dressed, take a shower, shave, nothing.  Just going to be lazy, work on my book, do some reading maybe watch a little TV.  My body needs a rest for last night I had the hardest time getting my breath just doing some work in the bull pen.  Tuesday I find out all my test results and am hoping to gain some insight as to when I will be going in for my transplant.  I am looking forward to next Sunday when I can finally meet all the folks that have been so supportive.  My thanks to Darlene, John, Bill, Sandra, Jack, Gary, Lee, Daneen, Tandi, Tom, Justin, Austin, Jorge, Nikki and Autumn for coming last night.  I hope I didn't miss anyone.
Hope y'all enjoying your Sunday.

Ok, getting ready.  Need a half hour to catch my breath, change duds and head over to Roscoe's in about an hour to start saving seats.  Feel the need to bow my head and ask for a safe evening, not so much for me, but for my fellow cowboys.  Justin, George and Austin are driving up from Camp Pendleton, never knew if I was spelling that right but what the hay.  Throwing one up for our missing cowboy, Jake, who is attending his grandpa's funeral back home.  Wishing him and his family the best during a rough time.  Spent some time over at a good friends place working with her beautiful chestnut gelding.  Boy, it's hot as a hooker in church today.  What happened to winter and spring?  I can't wait to get home late tonight and have some more homemade chicken pot pie, mashed potatoes and apple cobbler.  Really don't know how to say thank you anymore than I do for all the people that have my back.  I just want you to know that I have your's as well.  Going to kick back, watch some bull riding, get my head right and nod for the gate.  Good day y'all and hope to see y'all tonight.

Update regarding trip to UCLA and bull riding tonight.

Laying here in bed at 9 on a Saturday morning finishing my blog from last night.  I must have passed out because this was still on my screen this morning.
Just had one of the best dinners I've had in many a time thanks to a beautiful young lady who made homemade chicken pot pie, mashed potatoes and apple cobbler.  She brought everything over is some tins along with a lovely card that she received during a hospital visit two years ago and decided to pass it on to me.  I am laying here like a fat walrus, unable to even roll over.  I don't know if there will ever really be anyone in my life again, I mean I got so many things working against me right now, I am just not much of a commodity.  Trying to fight and beat cancer, no job, living out of a suitcase, driving an old cowboy truck and going to turn 63 soon.  Not very appealing, but if by chance something happens and some woman would want be with me, I sure hopes she can cook like Michelle and Darlene.
Went to UCLA today for a barrage of tests.  First, an electrocardiogram followed by a pulmonary test that I almost couldn't finish I was breathing so hard and labored.  Then an EKG followed by a Cat Scan of my chest.  Something fouled up during the first scan and so they had to re-inject the dye into my body and shoot it again.  Once we were done, my doctor told the Cat Scan guys to tell me to go to ER and check myself in because of a very small blood clot that my body has been trying to get rid of and that's causing the shortness of breath.  They said the blood clot had gone away but they wanted to monitor me.  Have you been to an ER lately?  I've got things to do other than sit around for 12 hours waiting.  So I got in my rig and drove three hours to get home.  Three hours to go sixty miles!  Should have ridden a horse.
Tonight is bull riding night looking forward to a wonderful evening with great friends.  I just spoke with one of the owners of the bulls and he says the other owner will not let me ride.  Last year I broke my hips riding bulls their and he is either afraid I am going to get hurt or am go to sue him if I do, I think.  I am going with the intent to ride tonight and will take him out back and talk to him.  This is very important to me as a man and a person.  I hope he doesn't take this away from me.  Getting hurt is part of bull riding.  It happens, sometimes worse, but like it's been said, "If you're afraid to die, don't be a bull rider."  I guess I will just have to wait and see.  Not a very happy cowboy right now.  Regardless, there will be plenty of action tonight.
Again, a mighty special thanks to Darlene for coordinating so much.  To all of you, too numerous to mention, for your support, love and prayers.  You're right, I got this.  I got this all day and some.  See y'all later I hope.  Have a great day!

Hello y'all.  This is going to be short for I am feeling very bad tonight.  I have yet to feel this kind of pain in my bones.  I have hurt before but not like this.  It is a major chore just to catch my breath at night.  I felt fairly good today but as I lay here tonight I can't help but think that this is a terrible curse that has been bestowed upon me.  Tomorrow I have to be at UCLA for a 1, 2:30, 3:30 and 4:20 appointment.  They are insistent that I be there for my doctors are worried something is wrong because I can't catch my breath.  They told me to bring a suitcase.  I told them they could forget about keeping me for I have things to do yet.  Saturday night is a big deal for me.  To be around good friends, have dinner, share some stories and go bull riding, doesn't get any better.  For anyone interested, we are eating at Roscoe's at 4 and heading over to Mira Loma around 6.  Bull riding starts about 7.  If you don't have anything to do and want to experience something different, please join us.  I am done for tonight.  My hope and prayers are that I will wake up to see another day because the way I feel tonight, doesn't feel good.  Thank y'all for everything.  I will eventually get around to all of you that are doing so much on my behalf.  I just don't think I will look good in a robe and slippers.  Boots, Wranglers and a Resistol look better lol.  Goodnight y'all.  God bless everyone of you.

Well, things are starting to slowly come together regarding my admission into UCLA for this bone marrow transplant.  Lately I have been having some health issues that have my doctors alarmed and they want me to get to UCLA for some tests and possibly admission right now.  I know my body better than anyone, including my doctors, and though I am experiencing some shortness of breath, extreme tiredness, chills and same old bone pain, I am not quite ready to go in.  I have some things that are going to get done in the next couple of weeks and when they are attended to, then I will go in.  They are not ready to do the transplant yet for they are working on the donor to make sure that we are 100% compatible.  This takes times, but they are working fast on this because of my worsening condition and I sure am not getting any younger, lol.  I am not being reckless, but I live my life my way, always have.  Maybe that hasn't been the best and many of my choices in life have not been the best for me, but this is my last rodeo and damn it, I am going to ride.
This whole ordeal is a bit overwhelming because I have to rely on others to help me through and as I stated in my last post I have to coordinate people to come stay at the Tiverton Hotel after I am released from the hospital.  UCLA is not close to where I live and people have their own lives and commitments to attend to.  My ex wife and one daughter are going to help and I am going to get a hold of my oldest son who might be able to fly down from Washington and stay with me.  I figure it this way, God has kept me alive when I should have been dead, eight times in my life to be exact, this being number nine, and I know that he will make things happen so I am not overly concerned about it.
This Saturday at 4, myself, my fellow bull riders, and friends are meeting at Roscoe's for an early dinner, talk, relax and then we'll be leaving for Mira Loma for some bull riding at 7.  It is going to be my last chance to do what I love and am so excited for this evening.  Thursday, a new friend of mine, Austin Wallace, who is a professional photographer is going to get some shots of me on horseback, thanks to another friend, Heidi who is letting me use her horse, so that I can have some photos to pass to my children being as I have seemed to have lost all the photos of my youth and rodeo experiences.  Hopefully, I have just misplaced them or they are in storage, but just in case I am having these taken as well as Saturday nights bull riding.
I have lived in Chino Hills since this was a one horse town.  I was heavily involved in the gym business for years after I retired from professional rodeo and have had the privilege to meet so many residents of this wonderful community.  It was rewarding to have worked with so many people and though I have been out of it for some time now it is always nice when someone remembers those days and has something nice to say to me.
I have made a lot of mistakes in my life.  There are people that I hurt.  People that did favors that due to circumstances I have not been able to repay, but I have kept a list and I am going back, one by one, to make amends.  People often criticize me for being so open, but I have nothing to hide from.  When your facing a life and death situation, your life changes.  You think about your life, what you've done, where you may be going when this life is over, what are you going to leave behind and how can you get square with the dealer before you leave.  My cards are on the table, my head is up, my attitude is strong and my rope is pulled tight.  I will beat this.  Years ago, the devil had my soul, but I stole it back.  My faith gets tested every day it seems but each day I try to be a better man than the one I was yesterday.  My ex wife Patty was never a real close person outwardly with God but she has been doing an amazing turn around in her life and she is a daily inspiration to me now.  My goal with the rest of my life is to give back everything I can.  So many people are struggling right now, so many people have lost so much, and so many people have it a hell of lot worse than me.  
Thank you all for everything.  I know that a special meet and greet is being set up for the weekend after next and I hope to meet so many of you.  Live your life like today is going to be the last day because you just don't know.  Be nice to people, talk to strangers even it's just a simple hello for you have no idea what that gesture may do for someone.  Let a pretty girl know how beautiful she is.  Say thank you to someone with a veteran sticker on his truck or is wearing a veteran's hat.  Shake their hand and say thank you for their service because without them we wouldn't have the freedoms we seem to take for granted.  Open the door for someone.  Take time to talk and listen to the story of the old man with his bucket in front of the store.  We are all in this together.  Remember, what goes around, comes around.  See y'all tomorrow and have a great day!

Howdy!  Been very busy and extremely tired the past few days but needed to take a moment an update this blog...Yesterday, a friend drove me to UCLA at 12:30 so I could meet with my oncologist and have my blood checked.  The nurse drew 15 vials of blood.  I called her a vampire, but a pretty one at that, and she just laughed.  I then waited for my doctor(s) and they had told me that my white blood cell count was down to 13,000.  It was over 100,000 three weeks ago so progress is being made.  A normal white blood cell count is between 4,000 and 10,000, so I am almost there.  I met with the bone marrow transplant coordinator and I signed the necessary papers to acquire the donor information that was gathered when I was in Minnesota.  Being as I have been struggling to catch my breath lately I had to have a chest x-ray which was supposed to be followed up with a CT scan at the local emergency room today.  Well, when the emergency room said it could be up to an eight hour wait, out the door I went.  We're just going to forego that test, my decision.  I refuse to wait in an emergency room for that long.  This morning, a social worker called from UCLA, with my ex-wife Patty on a conference call to discuss the entire transplant procedure, recovery and medications.  WOW!  I am going to have to really "cowboy up" for this.  I knew it was going to be rough, but not this rough.  I have a lot of coordinating to do.  Once they find the donor, or if the donor they matched me with in Minnesota is approved, I will be admitted to the hospital.  The first week will be radical chemo with the following side affects; nausea, vomiting, weakness, mouth sores, loss of hair and basically just feeling plain lousy.  Can't wait!!  Sounds like a hell of good time.  Then the bone marrow transplant take place after a one day rest.  I will be in my room for the next three weeks minimum so that my body can accept the new bone marrow.  I will be given lots of drugs to try and make me comfortable and to fight off infections being as I will have no immune system.  When I am released from the hospital, I then go to a "cancer hotel" two blocks from the hospital where I will be living for the next month.  I will need adult supervision 24/7 while I am living there, meaning that whoever is with me will be living there as well watching my sorry butt, helping me cook my food, eating, blah, blah, blah.  So, I have to start lining up help as soon as I know when my check in date will be.  Patty has offered, as well as my daughter Brittany, and hopefully my son in Washington, Teddy, can maybe come down for a bit.  When I leave the hotel, I will have to find a place to hold up.  This will be a big obstacle because it would be asking a lot from anyone to help through this.  I will not be able to drive for a while and will need weekly rides into UCLA for blood work and God forbid anything goes wrong like acquiring an infection.  I am not allowed to be around horses, cows or bulls for at least six months, which is going to kill me.  I can't be around second hand smoke, young children or getting close to dogs or cats in chance that one might scratch me.  I will be wearing a mask when I go to the doctors or around the public.  I think I will just wear a cowboy bandana, I think they look a lot cooler than those paper masks, then I can become the Chino Hills Outlaw for a while, lol.  Anyway, that is the latest update.
Last night I had the opportunity to meet some very fine people, Tandi, Tom, Matt, Eric and Matt's wife at Roscoe's last night.  I was treated to a fine steak dinner and made some great friends.  It was the best time I have had since my 50th birthday party, almost 13 years ago.  We told stories, laughed, had great food and they're coming out this Saturday to watch my final bull ride.  My fellow Marine cowboys are joining us at Roscoe's at 4 on Saturday for an early dinner, relax, and then head over to the bull pen in Mira Loma.  All of us are extremely excited to ride being as it was closed last Saturday.  Afterwards, we'll probably go somewhere and hang out a bit.  I would like to thank Tandi and Tom for the most delicious steak I have had in a long, long time.  They have been huge supporters of me, as everyone else has been, during this rough stretch in the road for me.
I am very fortunate to have an ex-wife that I get along with for she is being a huge support and very nice through this whole ordeal.  She's a good woman and is trying her best as she too is going through her own challenges in life.  We may not be married anymore, but I will always love her for being the mother of my two beautiful daughters, Brittany and Berlyn.  I think that is how is should be, but unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way.  I would like to thank my children for their support as well.  I know this has been hard for them knowing that their father used to be a physically big, in shape man and due to this cancer has dwindled down for 210 pounds to as little as 145.  I know it's not been easy but they have stood tall and firm and it's their love that is a huge piece of the puzzle in keeping my head up and desire to continue this fight to the end.  I greatly appreciate all those who have embraced me and have helped me through all this.  A huge thanks to Darlene for setting up GoFundMe account to help offset living expenses being as still can't find any work due to my condition and unfortunately, bills don't just disappear.  Her, and her husband John, are two of the finest people I have ever had the pleasure to meet and their help has been insurmountable.
Thursday, a young man has offered to take some photos of me working with a horse and riding bulls, being as I have seemed to have lost all my photos from my past.  He offered to due this being as he is a professional photographer and I will be able to have some photos to give to my children.
A big thank you to the community of Chino Hills as a whole, you've been beyond wonderful and I hope to meet each and every one of you one day to offer my heartfelt thank you!