Cowboy Update: Still waiting for a bed to open up at UCLA. I was told that I was "top priority" and to have my mule packed and ready. White blood cell count has gone from 98,000, down to 78,000, back up to 84,000 yesterday and up to today. Did not sleep a wink last night. Pain didn't allow me that pleasure. Spoke to the doctor about it this morning and they are going to put a new game plan together. Have been receiving a 15 mg tablet of morphine, twice daily, and a 4 mg injection every three hours as needed for break through pain. Being as I am allergic to all pain medications except morphine, they are limited to what they can do for me. They are really taking great care of me here at Pomona and the grub isn't too bad, for hospital grub. The nurses are very polite and attentive. All in all, I have nothing to complain about and I wouldn't if I could. I have learned it doesn't help. There are times when complaints are warranted but I also believe the manner in which you complain will have a lot to do with what kind of assistance you get in return. It really just comes down to treating people the way you would want to be treated. There was no greater example of this in my life than the story I wrote about the biker that saved my life.
Unfortunately, I still stumble. A couple of weeks I was told that a buddy of mine was killed working for this government. It was a very upsetting night and I was an emotional wreck. I made the mistake of going on my personal Facebook page and read something which upset me further and I vented. Trouble is, I vented to someone who days earlier had helped me out, and asked me to stop or they would defriend me. I took it personally and defriended them. I was wrong. I let my emotions go unchecked for a brief moment and it cost me a relationship. Although this person has said they forgive me, I am embarrassed and humilated by my actions. I learned a valuable lesson and can only move forward from here. The reason I relayed this story is that I struggle as much, if not more, than most people, while trying to live the life I want to live. I have so many faults and someday's it seems like I will never make progress but I just keep getting back on that bull every time he bucks me off and one day I will ride him. Every day I sin, every night I ask for forgiveness, but in the end I hope that tomorrow I will be a better cowboy than I was today. Remember this, it takes less energy to smile and be nice than it does to frown and be unhappy. Do something out of the ordinary like tell an older lady how beautiful her hair looks, say hi to a stranger, take a moment and talk to a homeless person, something out of the ordinary. You'll feel good and the impact you may have on some else's life could be priceless.
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