This Cowboy's Naked Truth

Hello.  Short evening tonight.  Not feeling all that great and going to try and get some shut eye.  A good friend of mine came over tonight, one of my dearest buddies, and we talked a bit.  I told him that if I had to go through the transplant right now that I would not make it through.  Not being pessimistic but realistic.  I know my body better than anyone and right now it is weak and much too weak to go through a transplant procedure.  I told him that my mind is almost there and my heart is strong, but I needed a little bit more time to pull everything together.  He asked me if I thought about dying and what thoughts race through my head when there is a very real possibility that this all could not work out.  He asked me how I was spiritually as well.  My reply was simply this, I don't think much about dying because I don't believe the Lord will take me up now, not after all the fires I have walked through in my life.  It doesn't make sense.  My ability to fight through this great adversity that lays before me is simply a test.  There is something in store for me and I must walk through this fire to obtain it.  There are many people that are counting on me to pass this test.  My ability to succeed is going to give others a glimpse of hope and future in whatever difficulties they are going through.  I am a cowboy and that is a name that I do not take lightly and am very proud of and if any group of people ever had the resolve to fight through conflicts, re-read your history books because it was the cowboy who faced everything from desolation, harsh climates, hostile enemies, injuries, illness, and just about anything else you could throw at a man and damn if he didn't shove it back in it's face.  I can hardly get my breath right now and my body is riddled with pain but I will live tomorrow as if it is my last day and come Saturday night, yes, I am going bull riding.  Spiritually, I have been in better times with the Lord, I won't disagree, but my faith is strong, I know he is there for me and I know he loves me and wants the best for me, but I have to want him and honestly, lately, I have been trying to do things a little too much on my own and need to get back to basics and ask for some help.  I like a good fight, always have, but this fight I need a little back up because there are just too many of the other guys.
I was able to have my youngest daughter over tonight and we had a good evening together.  I cooked up some of Ted's spaghetti sauce and we feasted along with the folks who have been gracious enough to allow me into their home.
Well, that's it for this evening.  No matter how bleak it looks tonight, tomorrow is a new day, the sun will still come up and the moon will takes us home.  Make the most of the time in between.